We Say or Seem
by Justaburntkid90
Summary: Santana Fabray had everything, a loving family, money, popularity. All Santana Lopez had was Britt-Britt and she was long gone. However, when Britt-Britt returns, how will she react to Santana Fabray and will she ever find her Santana Lopez again?
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

_September 2002 _

_Santana POV_

I awoke with a start when I heard the all too familiar sound of glass breaking and wooden furniture colliding with the floor where it previously had been standing upright. I could see the scene outside my bedroom door before I had even vacated my bed. I closed my eyes again fleetingly, hoping it was all just a dream. I knew it wasn't. Nobody dreams of this. I threw my duvet off of my body and draped my dressing gown over my thin frame. It was cold and the previously prevailing warmth I had accumulated from lying in my bed was dissipating quickly. I took a deep, calming breath. IN, OUT, IN OUT. Repeat as necessary. After a few deep breaths, I felt sufficiently calm. I walked over to my faded white bedroom door, grasped the brass knob firmly and turned it. I walked out the door and down the hall before turning left and walking straight into the living room where I was greeted with the same scene I'd been greeted with almost every morning of my childhood.

My mom was lying on the carpeted floor of the living room, a pool of quickly cooling vomit on one side of her and an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the other. I would have sighed, but I didn't see the point. This wasn't the first time this had happened and I knew with an air of unfortunate certainty that it wouldn't be the last. I moved past the broken pieces of the wooden coffee table which were now haphazardly strewn across the living room floor. I went over to my passed out mom and somehow managed to coax her onto the couch. I carefully removed her leather jacket and high heeled boots before laying her out flat. I combed her matted hair softly from her face and stroked her cheek. The caress caused her to open her eyes. She stared at me for a long time, hundreds of unspoken words voicing themselves from behind the glassy orbs. So many things I knew she wanted to but would never be able to say. One thing I could see clearly though, was that she loved me. Despite everything, I knew with unwavering certainty that my mother loved me. As best she could. As best as the drink would allow her to anyway. Yes, my mom was an alcoholic. I knew this. I'd known this since I was old enough to grasp the concept of what an alcoholic is. She'd been an alcoholic since I was born, from what I could tell. Now, at 10 years of age, I had only a few memories of my mom sober and even fewer of her happy. I smiled down at her, a smile which she readily returned. "I'll do better mija. I promise. This isn't me. This is the drink, it's not me. I know I can be better than this. I'll do better mija. I promise.'' She looked up at me with sincere eyes. I knew that she wanted to mean it. I knew that she wanted to do better, to be the kind of mom she knew I deserved. But we both knew that was never going to happen and I didn't hate her for that. I knew she had problems, vices just like everyone else. It just meant I had to love her all the harder to try and help her overcome them. I hoped she would. Someday. But that day wasn't today.

I leant down slowly and kissed her ice cold cheek. She reached up and grasped my face, holding it pressed tightly against her own. I could feel the heat from my cheek begin to warm her gradually. She slowly released me before sitting up on the couch. She fumbled in her pocket before pulling out a crumpled box of Marlboro Lights. She couldn't get the lid off the box. I took it out of her hands and pulled out a cigarette. I removed the lighter too and after a few unsuccessful attempts, the silver Zippo finally flickered to life with a bright orange flame. I brought the flame to the end of the cigarette that my mom had placed between her cracked lips. She inhaled deeply from the lit cigarette, the smoke that engulfed her lungs seeming to have the same calming effect as my earlier kiss to her cheek had. With what seemed like a herculean effort, she pulled herself up off of the couch and stumbled down the hall to the kitchen. I followed after her. As she got into the kitchen and she set about making my breakfast, a bowl of Lucky Charms and a glass of OJ. I walked over to the utility cupboard and lifted a pair of pink marigolds, a basin, a scrubbing brush and some bleach. I went over to the sink and filled the basin with warm water, before turning on my heels and moving back towards the living room, leaving my mom to finish preparing my breakfast. As I stepped into the living room, I skilfully avoided the vomit on the floor and walked over to the antique record player that stood in the corner. The few happy memories I had of my mother all revolved around this old record player. She'd put on records and dance with me and we'd laugh and sing until our throats were sore. I placed the record almost reverently onto the platform and dropped the needle onto it. Soon the room was filled with the melodious voices of Fleetwood Mac, my mom and I's favourite band. Other kids my age were into Brittany Spears or NSYNC or The Spice Girls or whatever, but I was all about Fleetwood. My favourite song, "Songbird" began to play and despite the unpleasant nature of the task I was about to undertake, I couldn't help but smile. This song. This song was my salvation. My safe haven.

I pulled on the thick rubber gloves and dropped the scrubbing brush into the warm water. I poured bleach onto the carpet, pulled out the brush and began scrubbing as hard as my thin arms could manage. My goal of removing the vomit from the carpet was accomplished quickly. I smiled. I was good at cleaning. I'd had enough practice. I lifted the basin and walked back towards the kitchen. I emptied the dirty water into the sink and rinsed it clean. My mom looked over at me adoringly with a cup of steaming hot black coffee in her hand and I sat at the kitchen island, with a bowl of Lucky Charms and a glass of OJ laid out in front of me. This was how it went every morning. I would get up and take care of my mom and a few short minutes later she would return the favour and take care of me, getting it together long enough to make me breakfast. Just like a regular mom. It was these moments that I cherished. In these moments I could forget that my mom was an alcoholic who was never around, who was rarely sober long enough to take care of herself, let alone take care of me. In these moments, with the soft notes of "Songbird" floating from the living room, down the hall and into the kitchen, I could pretend I was just me. Just Santana Marie Lopez, 10 years old. A normal kid. Just like everybody else.

The bus for school arrived at my stop. I walked on and sat in my usual seat near the front, alone. I didn't sit alone because I wanted to. It wasn't that the other kids were mean to me, they just ignored me altogether. I was aware that the reason for this was two-fold. I was aware that one of the reasons was probably because the parents of most of these kids had used me as a cautionary tale. Lima was a small town and everyone knew about my mom due to a notorious and particularly embarrassing incident at the Lima Bank. "Stay away from that Santana Lopez; she's trouble just like that excuse of a mother of hers. She doesn't even know who her father is! I mean her situation is bad but you still need to stay away from her!" I wasn't stupid. I knew what people said about me and my mom. I could almost hear their disapproving tones. The second reason was that I myself was not a particularly easy person to get on with. My mom kept me busy and being on my own all the time had made me impatient. I knew I was abrasive and stubborn, headstrong and sometimes unnecessarily mean. I did have good reason though. I saw the other kids in my grade going to each other houses and going to the park together, under the eyes of their watchful parents. I couldn't imagine my mom taking me to the park or baking cookies because I had a friend over. Best not to make any friends and avoid any embarrassment's before they happened. I turned in my seat to look out the window, up at the crystal clear cerulean sky. The bus made its final stop before school. The sudden shuddering stop caused me to look up and that's the moment when everything changed. I just didn't know it.

I looked down the aisle and saw an unfamiliar girl boarding the bus. She was tall and lanky and appeared to be missing a few teeth, just like me. She was wearing a brand new pair of bright yellow Chuck Taylors with neon pink laces, patchwork jeans and a pink jumper with a large yellow duck on the front of it. She had thick honey blonde hair that was split into two long pigtails. There was a small duck shaped clip pinning her fringe back out of her eyes. Those eyes. Those bright blue eyes. I gasped. The moment I looked into them something inside me shifted. It was as though I was back in my living room as the notes of "Songbird" rang out across the room. It was as though a symphony of sound had erupted in my body and my heart was the conductor, instructing the orchestra with every beat 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4. All of a sudden my hands began to sweat profusely. In my entire 10 years of existence, I had never felt like this. It was as though the seat beneath me had evaporated into thin air and I was hovering in the ether. The honey haired, blue eyed girl walked up the aisle and promptly deposited herself in on the empty seat beside me.

The new girl sat down and thrust her hand out towards me. "Hello, how are you? What's your name? My name is Brittany S. Pierce, but not Britney Spears, my mommy says I'm a much better dancer than she is! My mom calls me Britt! My mommy calls me Britt- Britt and Lord Tubbington calls me meow so you can totally call me any of those!" The words flowed out of her mouth in such quick succession that I couldn't process a single word she had just said. I was so taken aback that I had neglected to shake the hand Brittany had stuck out at me. I lifted my clammy hand and wiped it on my faded jeans before raising it to take her outstretched one in mine. A face splitting smile erupted on Brittany's face and I felt myself mirroring it. "Santana, my name is Santana Marie Lopez. I'm 10 years old. How old are you?" "I'm 10 too!" Brittany replied with obvious enthusiasm. I thanked God inwardly. Brittany was new. She had no idea who my mother was, or rather what she was. "Well now that I know your name and how old you are, I'm gonna be your best friend. I like you. Your skin is all tan and your hair is so long and pretty! My mommies always told me that pretty ladies are to be admired and not just leered at. What is leering Tana? Do you know?" Brittany's new nickname for me caused another smile to spread across my face. Brittany mistook my silence for deciding whether or not I knew what "leering" was. "It doesn't matter Tana you're my best friend now. Forever and ever!" Brittany had startled me with her bold and presumptuous declaration. Not that I minded. I'd always wanted a best friend and now God had given me one. A breathtakingly beautiful one at that.

I'd always liked school. It meant I wasn't in the house with my mom. I love my mom more than anything but looking after her could be extremely tiring sometimes. Now that I had Brittany, I loved the thought of school even more. Following her declaration that we were now best friends, Brittany had grabbed my hand and all but dragged me through the cherry red wood doors of the elementary school.

Since Brittany was new, I led her through the crowded hallway to our classroom. Miss Pillsbury, the teacher, pulled Brittany and I up to her desk at the front of the room after we had deposited our bags on the floor at the back of the classroom. "Santana, I see you've met our new student Brittany. Can I trust you to look after her today? Show her the ropes and help her catch up on any work she's missed?" I nodded my head fervently. "Well I'll let you girls sit down so we can get started." I grabbed Brittany's hand and led her to our seats. As Brittany and I sat down, she didn't let go of my hand. I smiled inwardly as the heat from her hand began to meander through the rest of my body, warming every part of me. I pulled out my workbook and showed Brittany the equations we were doing this week. As we worked in silence, I saw Brittany slowly put her hand up, waving it, hoping to get Miss Pillsbury's attention. Eventually, she succeeded and Miss Pillsbury lifted her eyes from her desk to address Brittany. "Yes Brittany what's the matter?" I could see Brittany looking up at Miss Pillsbury, a puzzled look invading those beautiful blue eyes of hers. "Miss the textbooks got it wrong. It says the square root of 4 is 2." "Yes Brittany, the square root of 4 is 2." Brittany shook her head, pigtails swaying back and forth before stating matter of factly, "No Miss the square root of 4 is rainbows." As soon as the words left her mouth I could hear the sniggers of everyone in the class. Brittany's cheeks flamed pink as the laughter grew louder and louder. Noah Puckerman, the class jackass, felt the need to go one step further in his efforts to humiliate Brittany, "Jeez new kid you're dumber than my Mohawk!" The class erupted, their glee at Brittany's humiliation evident in their hyena like laughter. I could see tears beginning to form in the corner of Brittany's eyes, tears she tried to quell, unsuccessfully. At that moment, something inside me snapped. Despite my bad temper and the fact I had a neglectful, alcoholic mother, I had never completely snapped. Until I saw those tears in beautiful Brittany's eyes. No one should ever cry, but pretty girls especially shouldn't cry. Brittany was my best friend, my only friend and it was my duty to look after her. To protect and defend her. I could feel my retaliation to Noah's words bubbling up inside of me. "Shut up, hijo de puta, or I'll cut that fuckin Mohawk off your greasy ass head and make you eat it!" As soon as the words left my mouth the entire class went silent.

I knew I was in trouble before Miss Pillsbury had even opened her mouth. Not only had I sworn in class, in two languages no less, but I'd also threatened another pupil. I thought my swearing in Spanish would be lost on Miss Pillsbury but that thought was quickly met with the realisation that Miss Pillsbury was dating Mr Schuester, the school Spanish teacher, which I'm sure had armed her with a rudimentary knowledge of the language. The silence in the room seemed to stretch on forever. I'd been in the same class for 5 years, with all the same people, and in those 5 years I'd never even spoken to most of them, let alone yelled obscenities at another pupil in front of them. Noah looked terrified and unconsciously ran his hand through his Mohawk. Miss Pillsbury cleared her throat loudly. "Santana, will you please come with me to Principal Figgins office. The rest of you, work quietly while I'm gone I'll only be gone a few minutes and I expect you all to have completed your worksheets by the time I get back." I quickly got out of my seat and followed Miss Pillsbury out of the classroom. As I walked out the door, I sent a death glare Puckerman's way to assure him that my threat was not an idle one. Quinn Fabray sent a smirk my way. She was the golden girl, never met a rule worth bending let alone breaking. She always revelled in other kids getting in trouble since she herself was unfamiliar with the concept. I could almost see the other kids in class whispering about my outburst, then going home to recount the whole thing to their parents in vivid detail. That was all I needed, to become even more of a pariah. Miss Pillsbury led me down the hall to the principal's office. She tapped the door lightly before Mr Figgins answered, "Come in." Miss Pillsbury told Mr Figgins about my outburst in class, refusing to verbalise the swear words I had used. After Miss Pillsbury had given Mr Figgins the details, she left the office. Mr Figgins turned his attention to me. "Now Santana I am surprised to see you in my office. This is the first time I've ever known you to get in trouble." I nodded, agreeing. "Now you know that swearing and threatening other pupils is unacceptable and usually this would result in suspension." I froze at the mention of the word "Suspension". My mom may be a drunk but she's still my mom and if I got suspended she was going to kill me! "However", Figgins continued, "Since this is the first time you've done anything like this I will be lenient, but do not think you won't be punished in the future if you do something like this again. Ok?" I nodded again, agreeing that I would never do anything like this again. "You will have one week's worth of after school detention ok? You can leave now Miss Lopez and make sure I don't see you in my office again." I quickly exited the office and walked down the corridor back to my classroom, dragging my Chucks on the floor along the way.

As I walked back into the classroom, the whispers had died down. I took my seat beside Brittany and turned my face towards her to flash her one of my dazzling Santana smiles. However, Brittany didn't deign to look up at me and continued to scribble answers on her worksheet. I found myself confused, unsure as to why my best friend, whose honour I had just been reprimanded for defending, was now ignoring me. Eventually the bell for break rang and all the other kids ran outside, eager to enjoy their recess. Brittany did not move from her seat. "Britt- Britt, what's wrong? Are you still sad at what Puckerman said because he's just a stupid boy he doesn't know anything." Brittany looked up, red rimmed eyes and tearstains marring her cheeks. She cleared her throat before answering. "It's not that silly boy with the Mohawk I'm mad at Tana. It's you." To say I was shocked at Brittany's words was an understatement. "But Britt -Britt I was just defending you. You're my best friend. I have to protect you. You're the princess and I'm the Prince who's gonna rescue you and keep you safe." I'd seen enough Disney movies to know that's how it worked and I felt proud at my explanation. Brittany however, didn't seem to share my sentiment. "Tana I don't need you to get in trouble to look after me! You scared me when you started shouting at that boy with the skunk stuck to his head! What if you'd been suspended? I would have been all alone. You're my best friend you can't just leave me. I need you." In that moment I made a vow. I would never leave Brittany, and I would most certainly never scare her again. I stuck my pinkie finger out to Brittany. She looked confused at the action, so I decided to elaborate. "Britt- Britt I pinkie promise that I'll never leave you so long as you promise you'll never leave me. I'll never scare you again or get mad at you or call you stupid or make fun of you or hurt you. I'll be yours. Proudly so." Brittany didn't hesitate in taking my pinkie in hers. "Ok Tana I promise! I'm all yours too. Proudly so."

Brittany and I missed recess, not that either of us cared. Everyone else trudged back into the classroom after recess, unhappy to be starting their afternoon classes. With Brittany beside me, class seemed to fly by and before I knew it the bell was ringing shrilly to signal the start of lunch. Brittany took my hand and led me out of the classroom and in the direction of the canteen. I looked around nervously. I usually didn't venture into the canteen because I never had a packed lunch to eat and even if I'd asked my mom for lunch money, she never had any to give me. Brittany pulled out a pink lunch box with a unicorn sticker on the front of it. "His name is Cornelius", she said, pointing at the sticker. A weak smiled crossed my lips Brittany opened her lunchbox, revealing a Ziploc bag with two sandwiches inside, a juice box, an apple and a Twinkie. I looked down at the table, trying to avoid eye contact. When she noticed that I made not move to open a lunch box of my own, she turned to me with wondering eyes. "Where's your lunch? Did you forget it?" The question hung in the air for a moment. Instead of prying further, Brittany simply reached into her lunchbox pulled out one of her sandwiches and handed it to me. PB&J with the crust cut off. My favourite. "Here" Brittany said, thrusting the sandwich in my direction. I shook my head half-heartedly. As hungry as I was I couldn't bring myself to take it. Brittany, sensing my hesitation, put the sandwich on the table in the space between us before gently lifting my chin upwards, forcing me to look at her. I was confronted again with those beautiful blue eyes. Right then I knew I would never be able to say no to Brittany while she was looking at me with those sparkling blue eyes. "Just take it Tana it's PB&J it's totally awesome!" Brittany said, fluttering her excessively long blonde lashes at me, "Besides my mommy always makes me two and I always give the other one to Lord Tubbington but mom put him on a diet so he's not allowed carbs anymore." I smiled at Brittany. She seemed to have this way of rendering me speechless with her quirky charm and genuine sincerity. Without further protest, I lifted the sandwich and brought it to my lips. As my teeth sank into the soft white bread, I inwardly thanked Brittany for convincing me to take the sandwich. As we sat in the canteen sharing Brittany's lunch, she continued to chat animatedly about how this morning her mommy had burnt the pancakes, setting off the fire alarm in the process, waking her mom who had fallen over Lord Tubbington whilst running down the hall to see what was happening. I chuckled as Brittany gesticulated wildly and laughed, spraying breadcrumbs everywhere. As the bell rang to tell us that lunch was over, I found myself struggling to find words to thank Brittany for showing me the only real kindness I'd experienced in my short life. I decided that actions would speak louder than words. Before Brittany got up to go back to class, I turned to my right and quickly pressed my lips to her warm, freckle dappled cheek. As I pulled away from her, I could see her cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. Brittany brought her hand up and ran her fingers across the patch of skin I had just kissed, before dropping it down to her side again. She reached out for my hand and interlaced my fingers. "Come on Prince Tana, we better get to class before you get another weeks' worth of detention." I smiled as we walked out of the canteen towards class. "I'd get detention ever week for the rest of the year if that's what it took to keep you safe Princess Britt- Britt." Brittany turned to me "I know you would Prince Tana cos I'm yours. And you're mine. Proudly so." "Proudly so", I echoed.

The rest of the class went by much quicker than I would have liked. The end of day bell rang and everyone bolted to the door, eager to get home. I was never eager to get home. There were no treats or snacks or loving parents at home waiting for me. If I was lucky, mom would remember to leave out a microwave meal for me. Or at least buy some milk so I could have my afternoon bowl of Lucky Charms. Brittany ran out of the school, tugging me along with her towards a blue Volvo that had a blonde haired woman who looked a lot like an older version of Brittany, sitting in the front seat.

As we got closer to the car, the woman stepped out and waved over at us eagerly. Brittany finally let go of my hand and sprinted over to the woman waving at us, her pigtails blowing in the wind. "Mommy!" Brittany exclaimed loudly, wrapping her arms around the slender blonde woman's neck. "Britt- Britt baby how was your first day at school? Were the other kids nice? Did you make any new friends? Do you like your new teacher? Come on honey tell me mommy wants to know everything!" I giggled at the woman, who I now knew to be Brittany's mommy. I could see where Brittany got her endless enthusiasm from. Her mommy wasn't just asking to make it look like she cared about how Brittany's first day had been, she was ready to listen attentively as Brittany tried to answer her numerous questions. "Well the teacher was super nice but she has big eyes like Ariel not blue, though, they're brown likeTana's, but Miss Pillsbury's eyes aren't anywhere near as pretty as my Prince Tana's." I blushed, feeling the blood rushing through my ears. "Oh really? And who is this Prince Tana? Is he a handsome prince?" Brittany's mommy questioned. Brittany wriggled out of the blonde woman's arms and swiftly wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "No silly, Prince Tana isn't a boy! Boys are mean. This is Prince Tana, my best friend forever. She saved me from the skunk head boy!" Brittany's mommy looked down at me, an amused look on her face. "Forever huh. Mm that's a long time. Are you sure you're ready for that kind of commitment after just one day?" Brittany's mommy questioned me playfully. I found my irritation rising. I know we'd just met, but how dare she question my commitment to Princess Britt- Britt? I puffed my chest out slightly, resolute in my answer. "Yes ma'am I'm sure. Britt- Britt is my best friend in the entire universe! I'll always keep her safe and care for her and make her happy. She's mine and I'll always be hers. Proudly so! And when I'm old enough I'll marry Princess Britt- Britt. And that's a promise lady!" After I had said it I realised that I hadn't actually asked Britt Britt to marry me. We were forever though right? And people who were forever married each other? Right? I pushed my doubts aside. I knew marriage was forever and so were we. I decided to present my conclusion to Princess Britt- Britt. "You'll marry me won't you princess? When we're grown up? You'll marry me." I hoped that by stating it as a fact as opposed to asking it as a question Britt -Britt would agree. A huge smiled spread across Britt- Britt's face. "Silly Prince Tana of course I'll marry you!" With that Brittany leant forward and swiftly touched her lips to mine. It was a kiss so light, I wasn't sure if it had really happened or whether it was merely wistful thinking on my part. However Britt- Britt's blush, her mommy's chuckle and the tingling of my lips which had yet to cease let me know that the kiss had actually happened. My stomach began to bubble with excitement. Princess Britt-Britt had kissed me and it had been perfect and magical.

Brittany's mommy had asked if I needed a lift home. I politely declined, opting to walk home instead. As much as I loved my Princess Britt- Britt and was going to marry her someday, I wasn't ready to introduce her to my mom yet. As I walked down the sidewalk towards my house, I noticed something strange. As I walked further up the driveway I noticed that the front door was open. That was odd. Mom always closed it before she went to the bar. Walking slowly into the house, I knew something was wrong. I walked down the hall to find my mom's bedroom door was open. Mom never left her bedroom door open. I stood in the doorway, frozen on the spot, my body seemingly unwilling to comply with my command my brain had given to step through the door. Eventually, my feet began to move sluggishly across the cheap carpet of my mom's room. I looked up at the bed. My mom was lying face down on the bed, wearing the same clothes I had left her in this morning. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly ajar. I reached out to touch her cheek, just like I had this morning, and just like this morning her cheek was ice cold. I recoiled quickly, startled at just how cold my mom's skin was. I clambered up onto my mom's bed and began to shake her. I shook and shook and shook until my arms began to ache from the exertion. I felt hot tears scorch my cheeks. I hadn't even realised I was crying. "Mom, mommy, wake up. You have to wake up mamma please!" I pleaded my voice hoarse from crying. My mom never stirred. I'd seen my mom passed out enough times to know that this was different. She was too cold, too still. I knew what had happened to her. She was dead.

I walked out of my mom's bedroom, down the hall, towards the living room. I lifted the phone off the hook, heavy in my small, trembling hand. I was barely able to stop shaking long enough to dial the number. "Hello 911, what's your emergency?" The operator's voice sounded unnaturally loud in my ears in comparison to the eerie silence that had engulfed me. I inhaled deeply in the hopes of steadying my voice. "It's my mamma. She's dead. I came home and found her on the bed. She's dead and I don't know what to do" I said tonelessly, the words feeling strange on my tongue. As the reality of what I'd just said hit me, I began to wail uncontrollably. "Honey I need you to be a big girl for just a second ok. Can you tell me where you live baby?" "315 Lima Heights Adjacent". "Thank you honey that's great. Is there anyone there with you?" "No", I replied. "I'm alone. " I'm all alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: I'd just like to thank everybody for the reviews and alerts! And I apologise for the wait, I was on holiday then work got in the way! I promise to update much quicker in the future! So I hope you enjoy and please drop me a review and let me know what you think! I'd be endlessly appreciative if you do : ) Anyway, enough from me, on with the show!

Chapter 1

_Santana's POV_

8 years later, September 2010

"Power to proclaim, Salvation in Jesus name" I sang out with the kind of enthusiasm that was expected of me as opposed to the enthusiasm I actually felt. Salvation. What a laughable concept to the orphaned child of an alcoholic and an absentee father. Orphaned; a word that didn't describe my predicament wholly accurately. Although I am technically an orphan, god in his infinite "wisdom" saw to it that I was provided with a surrogate family after my mother had died. The Fabrays. I looked over my left shoulder, where I was greeted by a shock of blonde hair. It wasn't the right shade of blonde hair though. It was never the right shade of blonde. Not for the last 8 years anyway.

Quinn seemed to sense my eyes on her and turned to face me, her olive green eyes blazing with the kind of fondness one would associate with real sisters. Not that we weren't real sisters. Yes, we weren't blood related but I loved Quinn more than I think I could've loved a real sister. Living with the Fabrays didn't have many benefits but Quinn was certainly one of them. Gone was the young blonde haired girl who'd regarded me with such contempt and disdain. In her place stood the only person that loved me for who I was as opposed to the person my "dad" Senator Russell Fabray had seen fit to turn me into before welcoming me into the Fabray family fold.

Quinn offered me a watery smile, a smile which I tried my best to return. Sometimes I swear that girl could read my mind. I was so caught up in Quinn's concerned gaze that I hadn't realised the hymn was over and everyone else from the choir was sitting down, leaving me standing up alone at the front of the church. I quickly sat down, knocking over the vacant chair to my right in my haste. Some of the more awake members of the congregation let out a chuckle and my cheeks burned with embarrassment. I looked at them with a strained smile. My eyes were drawn to one face in the congregation in particular that was not smiling. Neatly trimmed blonde hair meticulously slicked back with copious amounts of product, framing a familiar face with a well-defined jaw, strong chin and wide set blue eyes. Not the right shade of blue though. Mr Fabray's glare let me know that he was not as forgiving of my clumsy antics as the other members of the congregation had been. I began to quiver slightly as his eyes bore into me. 8 years. 8 years since this man had become my "dad" and still one well-placed glare put the fear of god in me.

I, Santana Fabray, was not a girl known for her timidness. Quite the contrary in fact. I was known for my acid tongue, my short temper, my shrewdness and my penchant for inflicting misery on those whom I thought were inferior to me- which was almost every other pupil at William McKinley High School. My "peers" had aptly nicknamed me "Satan". Most people would find such a nickname distasteful but I had spent years earning it and was unwilling to let go of my endearing moniker anytime soon. These thoughts ran through my head as my dad continued to stare at me. Santana Fabray, fearless ruler of WHMS, scared of no man, intimidated by no one. With the exception of her father. What a joke. I silently reflected on the person I had become, the person Russell Fabray had turned me into. I kept coming back to that same day. The day my mother died and everything changed. Santana Lopez died that day too and Santana Fabray was born.

_Flashback, 8 years ago, September 2002_

"I'm all alone" I had been concentrating so hard on trying not to cry that I had hadn't noticed someone was gently shaking me, trying to get my attention. "Hey sweetie," the stranger cooed, "I'm here to help you okay? Now can you tell me where your mommy is? "I didn't trust myself to speak. Instead, I grabbed the strangers hand and led her wordlessly towards my mami's room, where I knew she was still lying sprawled out motionlessly on her bed. She was dead so it wasn't like she was going anywhere. My mom would never go anywhere again. Never sing, never dance. Never breathe again. Never hold me or say, "I love you mija." The sheer magnitude of my mom's death and what it meant for me hit me like a wrecking ball. Leaving behind it a trail of destruction and devastation. In my whole life, I'd never been hit with a force like it. The realisation seemed to cause a physical reaction and before I knew it I was bent double, emptying the contents of my stomach onto the floor. This was the second time today someone had evacuated the contents of their stomach onto this carpet, although for two entirely different reasons. I looked down at the carpet where Britt-Britt's sandwiches had made a reappearance. The paramedic lifted me up off the floor, pulling me gently towards the couch in the corner of the living room. I collapsed onto the soft sofa cushions, enjoying the comfort for a moment. "It's okay baby girl. We don't have to go now. We can just sit here for a minute; let you catch your breath okay?" I nodded, grateful for the momentary reprieve.

She looked down at me with kind eyes, soft eyes that were liquid brown like hot chocolate. She had clear peachy skin that looked so soft it made me want to reach out and touch it. She looked so pretty. So young too, she can't have been more than 21. Too young to be confronted with a situation like this. I could say the same about myself. Is any 10 year old really equipped to deal with the death of their only parent? I knew the answer to my question but I willed myself to think otherwise. I was all I had now and that had to be enough. I could deal with this. I had been preparing myself for this since I could remember, since it became clear to me that my mami was a raging alcoholic; one that would never recover. Not that she'd have the chance to try now. Sometimes when I'd look into my mom's eyes, I could see the utter desolation that she fought to overcome every day. She was so sad, so broken. Something unspeakable had happened to her and she tried to overcome it, failing over and over again. I don't think my mami had always been like that. I think she was happy once. I guess I'd never know for sure. I would never know what, or maybe who, had broken her.

Despite my certainty that my mom would die some-day, I wasn't ready to deal with the reality of it. I must have been silent for a long time because the young paramedic was fidgeting beside me. I could see her trying to think of something to say, anything to try and make the situation better. I would would've been grateful to her for saying anything at all, I mean it's not like she could make things any worse.

I decided I didn't want to sit on the couch anymore. I needed a task, something perfunctory to keep my mind momentarily occupied. I pushed myself up off the couch and made my way to the kitchen. I opened the cupboard and pulled out the basin, the scrubbing brush and my pink marigold gloves, just like I had this morning. A memory from this morning of my mom, sitting at the kitchen island, popped into my head. I could hear the faint notes of "_Songbird_" playing from the living room. I could smell the sweet aroma of fresh coffee wafting from my mom's mug. She looked over at me from the kitchen island, smiling. In the time it took me to smile back, she had vanished into the thin air from which I had conjured her. A fresh crack sounded from my chest as my heart broke all over again. I quickly filled up the basin with warm water and lifted the bottle of bleach before heading back into the living room.

As I walked into the living room, wearing my marigold gloves, the paramedic looked up. A look of puzzlement fell across her features. As I walked over to the pool of my vomit, my intentions quickly became clear to her. "You don't have to do that sweetie. It doesn't matter. Just leave it and a grown -up will clean it up later." Her plea fell on deaf ears as I began to clean the carpet. "I can do it. I've done it a million times before", I said without looking up from what I was doing. I knew she would be looking down at me with those liquid brown eyes of hers as a picture of my life before she had entered it formed in her head. I knew those eyes would be full of pity and pity was the last thing I needed. I quickly wondered what it was I did need. Only one thing came to mind. Britt-Britt. Princess Britt-Britt was what I needed. With my mami gone, Britt- Britt was all I had left. I needed her. I needed her to wrap me up in her arms and tell me everything was going to be okay and that even though my mom was gone she loved me and she would never leave me.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the paramedic clearing her throat. I looked up at her and my eyes fell to her crisp white shirt. Her name tag was pinned to her right breast pocket. "Sophia" it read. Sophia. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. My mami told me once that she'd called me Santana because it was the prettiest name she could think of and that it should be my name because I was the prettiest girl in the world. Princess Britt- Britt was beautiful too and she had a beautiful name. Maybe all beautiful girls had beautiful names. I don't know and I was too disorientated to let my mind dwell on it. Sophia had obviously cleared her throat to try and capture my attention. I still hadn't finished my task and so, eager to return to my cleaning, I decided to engage her so that she would leave me to finish it. "Sophia, I want to clean this carpet before there's a stain. When mami gets sick I clean it up and I clean up the mess when I get sick too. Please just let me clean this up. Please." The pleading tone of my voice seemed to cause Sophia to concede and let me finish my ministrations. After I had finished Sophia spoke. "How did you know my name honey? I never told you it." "It's on your name tag", I replied. Sophia chuckled at my response. "Wow smart and pretty! You must have all the boys chasing after you!" I took off my gloves and placed them beside the basin of now dirty water. "I don't like boys they're smelly and mean, especially Puckerman. I totes gave him a verbal smack down today though cos he tried to mess with my girl Britt- Britt." My rant caused Sophia to laugh out loud. "A verbal smack down? I think I would've liked to see that. I'll bet that Puckerman won't mess with you or Britt-Britt again will he?" Sophia bestowed another wide smile on me. I puffed my chest out again, trying to stay as strong as I could, just like I had this afternoon when Mrs Pierce had been dubious about Princess Britt-Britt's and I's plans to be together forever. "Not unless he wants me to kick his mohawked ass. No one messes with my Princess Britt- Britt. She's mine. It's my job to protect her forever and ever." Sophia laughed again, causing me to laugh along with her. It was nice to forget what was happening, even if it was only for a few seconds. "Ok sweetie now that you know my name, can I ask you what yours is?" Sophia's question hung in the air for a moment. "Santana", I replied, "My name is Santana Marie Lopez." "Nice to meet you Santana Marie Lopez", Sophia said. "So Santana is there anyone I can call? Someone who helped looked after you? A dad? Grandma or grandpa maybe?" Sophia's question caused another crack in my heart. "No it's just me and my mami." I was silent for a moment before I realised my mistake. "Was just me and my mami." I corrected.

Sophia's eyes began to water. I could see the sadness radiating from her. "It's not fair. She's just a kid. A kid with no one to look after her. She doesn't deserve this. Nobody does. She's all alone. All alone." Just because Sophia didn't voice her thoughts out loud, didn't mean I didn't hear them. I couldn't bear to watch Sophia cry, not since she was the one who was meant to be offering me comfort. I walked over to where she was sitting on the couch. I wasn't sure what exactly I should do, so I did the first thing I could think of. I pulled Sophia's hands away from her face, where she had been unsuccessfully trying to swat away the falling tears. I jumped up onto the couch and manoeuvred my way into her lap. I leant up and placed a gentle kiss onto her warm cheek. The kiss seemed to have the desired effect and Sophia stopped crying. Sophia reached up and brushed a strand of hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear. "You're far too young and innocent for all this Santana. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry you've had no one to fight for you." I quirked my eyebrows at her words. "I don't need anyone to fight for me Sophia", I whispered, "I can fight for myself. All I need is for someone to love me and I have Britt-Britt. She loves me and that's all I need. She's all I'll ever need." Sophia's tear stained face lightened slightly. "Well Britt-Britt is lucky to have you honey. You're so strong, so smart. If you love her don't you ever let her go. When you grow up, other things will get in the way, seem more important. Don't let them weigh you down. Just remember what you told me today. She's all you'll ever need." I could see the sincerity in her eyes and it almost broke me completely. "I promise Sophia. I won't forget."

Sophia wrapped her arms around me, rocking me gently back and forth. I tucked my head into her chest, my ear pressed right beside her heart. I listened to it beating, THUD, THUD, THUD, a continuous, comforting rhythm. I never wanted to leave the safety of her warm embrace, but I knew I would have to soon. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't stay here wrapped up in her arms forever. "Santana, I'm sorry but I need you to take me to your mommy now. Do you think you can do that?" I could feel Sophia's words vibrating in her chest. I reluctantly shuffled out of Sophia's lap and onto the floor. I offered her my hand and led her down the hall to my mom's room. "Ok Santana you stay here. I'm just gonna go in and check on your mommy okay? You just wait right here I'll just be a minute okay?" I nodded numbly and waited outside the door waiting for Sophia to re- emerge and tell me what I already knew. My mami was dead and there was nothing she could do. My wait was a short one as Sophia exited the room not a minute after entering it. She didn't have to say anything, I already knew. She reached out and ran her hand softly up and down my cheek. "I'm so sorry Santana sweetie. Is there anyone I can call that you can stay with tonight? I know you said there's no one but there must be some-one who could look after you tonight? You're friend Britt-Britt maybe?" My head snapped up at the mention of my lady love. "Yeah I want to stay with Princess Britt-Britt", I replied excitedly. "Okay well I'll see what I can do. Do you know Britt-Britt's full name? I'll call the police station; see if we can get a contact number for her parents." I thought back to earlier in the day to when Brittany had introduced herself. "Brittany S. Pierce", I relayed triumphantly. "Not Britney Spears like the singer, but Brittany S. Pierce." Sophia seemed satisfied with my answer "Okay sweetie I'll call the station now, you just sit tight", Sophia said before moving into the living room to use the phone.

I realised suddenly what exactly Sophia was in the living room doing. She was calling Britt-Britt's parents, one of whom I had never met, to look after me because my mom had died leaving me with no one to look after me. Would Britt-Britt's parents agree? I'd only met her mommy today, but she seemed like a super nice lady. My panic was short lived as Sophia came back out into the hall much sooner than I had expected. She smiled at me before she spoke. "Okay Santana I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is we couldn't get in touch with the Pierces, they just moved here so we don't have a number on file for them." My heart fell at Sophia's words and the prospect of good news wasn't likely to lift it. All I wanted was Britt-Britt and god couldn't even give me that. He'd already killed my mami today, wasn't that enough? Sophia could see my disappointment and decided to continue. "The good news is we have we have someone who is going to look after you. Your mommy left instructions that if anything ever happened to her, your sole guardianship would fall to Senator Russell Fabray. Do you know what that means sweetie?" I thought I knew what it meant but it seemed so unlikely that I decided to ask Sophia. "No Sophia what does it mean?" "It means that Senator Fabray is on his way to get you. He'll look after you now." Sophia's eyes fell to mine and she could see I was visibly distressed. "Who is he? I've never met him. I don't know him. I don't want to go with him. I want to stay with Britt-Britt." I began sobbing again. My mom was dead and now I was going to have to go and live with this strange man. Senator Fabray. Fabray. Why did that name seem so familiar? Sophia swept me up off the floor and into her arms. She reached out and gently wiped away my tears. "I know sweetheart, I know. You don't know him but Senator Fabray is a good man. I may not agree with his politics but he'll take good care of you. He has a daughter you know, Quinn. She must be around your age." Suddenly everything fell into place. Fabray. Quinn Fabray. Senator Fabray was her dad. I was going to go live with Senator Fabray and therefore Quinn, a girl I disliked intensely. Everything seemed to be changing, so quickly that I couldn't grasp what it was that was actually happening. My head was spinning and my stomach began to churn. I was scared. My mami was gone and I was going to be taken away to live in a strange house with strange people. I felt like I was going to throw up again. My distress was interrupted by the sound of the front door being opened.

I whipped my head around to look into the living room. There was a man there, walking into the hall towards Sophia and I. I grabbed onto Sophia's shirt collar and held it tightly. She seemed to sense my fear and squeezed me back a little harder in return. "Don't be scared princess. He won't hurt you. He's here to take care of you." Sophia whispered the words into my ear. I was still dubious. Senator Fabray stepped in front of me. His hair was short and neatly clipped, slicked away from his face and stuck to his head with gel. He had a chiselled jaw, and wide set blue eyes. Not Britt-Britt blue though. He had an air of authority about him, with his freshly pressed suit, shiny shoes, starched shirt and silk tie. "Santana how are you? I'm Russell. I was a good friend of your mothers. I'll be looking after you from now on. You'll live at my house with me and my wife Judy and our daughter Quinn. She's in your grade at school isn't she?" His voice wasn't at all like I thought it would be. It was warm and inviting like liquid honey. He seemed nice so I decided to answer his question. "Yes Sir Quinn is in my class." My mami had always taught me to be polite and greet new acquaintances with respect. "Sir? What am I old?" I laughed at his obvious attempt at a joke. "You can call me Russell for now Santana and maybe someday, when you're ready, you can call me dad since I'll be looking after you now. How does that sound?" Dad. The concept seemed so foreign to me. I'd never had a dad before and here this strange man that I had never met was offering to be one to me. Mr Fabray mistook my silence for confusion. "I know you're scared Santana scared and confused but I promise you don't have to be scared. My wife and I will take excellent care of you and Quinn will be the best little sister you could ever ask for." Russell smiled at me revealing pearly white teeth. I couldn't help but think that, like most politicians, Senator Fabray looked too sincere. However, what choice did I have? I couldn't stay here myself and there was no one else to look after me.

"Okay", I mumbled. I reluctantly let go of Sophia and moved into Mr Fabray's arms, which were now outstretched towards me. As he took hold of me, I could feel the expensive material of his suit against my skin, surprised at how soft it was. His acrid aftershave almost caused me to heave. In his arms, this close to his face I could look into his eyes properly for the first time. I searched them for any sign of ill intentions towards me but I found none. Instead, I saw something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Sadness? Longing maybe? More than anything, I could see a kind of hollowness that scared me. Mr Fabray looked back at me and I saw the hint of a smile creep onto his face as he reached out to brush me cheek, the same cheek Britt-Britt had kissed earlier. Then, just like Britt- Britt had, he leant forward and touched his lips to my cheek. His lips weren't as soft as Britt-Britt's but the sensation of them pressed against my cheek was still pleasant. He took his lips off my cheek and brought them up to my ear. "You're my daughter now Santana, a Fabray just like me. I know you don't know what it means to be a Fabray yet but you will someday. I know I'm 10 years late but I'll take care of you now. You'll never want for anything as long as I'm around. I owe your mother at least that." Mr Fabray's words came out hushed and shaky, tickling my ear as his breath passed out over his lips. I was confused by Mr Fabray's words but I couldn't bring myself to ask them what they meant. Today had been tiring enough without trying to solve another mystery.

"You take care of yourself now sweetie", Sophia said as Mr Fabray walked towards the door with me in his arms. "I promise Sophia and I promise never to forget what you told me about Britt-Britt." I smiled over Mr Fabray's shoulder at Sophia as we walked out the front door towards Mr Fabray's car. His arms were strong, I could feel his biceps flexing under the sleeve of his jacket. I couldn't help but think that he could protect me with those strong arms. We reached Mr Fabray's car, a shiny black SUV with tinted windows. He opened the passenger door and deposited me onto the front seat. He quickly walked around the car and climbed into the driver's seat beside me. "Okay Santana let's get you home." I wasn't comfortable with his use of the word "home". As far as I was concerned, home was the place I was currently being torn away from. I looked down into my lap, quickly realising something. "Sir, I have to go back to the house and get my clothes. There's none of my clothes at your house." Mr Fabray pondered this for a second. "Remember what I told you Santana, it's Russell or dad if you prefer. Don't worry, I'll have Judy go out and pick some appropriate clothing for you. You're a Fabray now, you have to dress like one." I looked down at my frayed jeans and ratty tee. My clothes weren't much but I liked them. My mami always let me pick my own clothes. She said that I was the one who had to wear them so I was the one who should pick them. "Does that mean I have to dress like Quinn now Russell?" I asked. Russell turned to look at me before replying. "Don't you want to wear pretty dresses like Quinn?" Russell looked at me in such a way that indicated he was making a statement as opposed to asking a question. I didn't want to dress like Quinn but if I was going to be a Fabray now I was going to have to make sacrifices. Russell took my silence as a yes. "Good well I'm sure you don't want to go out shopping today, given what's happened. I'll have Judy take Quinn with her; you two are around the same size. If anything needs altered, we'll take it to Carol our tailor and have it adjusted. What size are your feet?" I replied timidly, "4 ". Russell seemed to have finished speaking as silence settled through the car.

10 minutes later and there still hadn't been a single word uttered between Russell and me. I was sweating profusely from the strain of the silence, as well as the heat outside. Russell seemed to sense this and wound down his window. I was thankful for the light breeze that made its way through the car. It tickled my skin. Russell seemed to want to alleviate my discomfort without talking, so he opted instead to turn on the radio. Fleetwood Mac's "_Songbird" _began to play out of the speakers. Of the countless songs that could be playing on the radio at this moment in time, it had to be that one. I truly began to think that god was taunting me today to see how long it would take for my heart to shatter completely. I looked to my left where Russell's fingers were drumming on the steering wheel to the beat of the song. I could see him silently mouthing the lyrics to the song. I could see a single tear cascading down his stubbly cheek. "I love this song", he croaked, never taking his eyes off the road. "Yeah", I said, "Me too."

Before I knew it, I was standing outside the Fabray residence, my new "home". The house was huge, large intimidating pillars rose overhead supporting the balcony that wrapped around the house. It looked like something a person would see on "Cribs", minus the ostentatiousness. The house was more decadent than ostentatious. It was evident from the house that the Fabray's were not a family lacking in money. I wondered if since I was a "Fabray" now, did that mean that by extension I now had money? I didn't know and I cared even less. I'd burn all the money in the world if it meant I could have my mami back. Russell led me up the driveway, through the heavy oak front door and into the house.

The house was even more impressive on the inside that it was on the outside. As much as I wanted to explore my new abode, I was far too tired to do so. Russell seemed to sense my fatigue. "Santana I know you probably want to look around the house but how about you take a nap first. It's been a long day. I'll have Judy wake you up for dinner. You can go up to your room; it's the third door on the left. It's the guess room at the minute but you can pick out a colour scheme and I'll have our interior decorator Markus sort something out for you." With that Russell turned on his heel and walked away, leaving me in the hallway by myself. I walked up the spiral staircase and down the hall before opening the third door on the left. I let out a gush of air as I walked into the room. This was the Fabray's guest room? It was bigger than my old house! I marvelled at the high roof, the elegant 4 poster bed, the plush carpet, the off white walls and bold gold accents. The bed looked extremely comfortable and called out to my aching body to fall onto it. I collapsed on top of the soft quilt. My eyelids immediately began to feel heavy. As my eyes closed, my last thoughts were of how much I missed my mami, how I'd give anything for her to be here and how one day I'd live in a mansion like this one with my Princess Britt-Britt.

As my eyes slowly opened, I looked around me and noticed that the room was in utter darkness. I looked at the clock on the bedside cabinet. It read 02:41. I must have slept right through dinner. I was somewhat surprised that Russell hadn't sent someone to wake me. Maybe he was more compassionate than I had initially given him credit for. He had taken responsibility for me. My mom had trusted him to care for me if anything ever happened to her and with that thought in mind I decided to try and trust him too. I didn't want to be a burden. I would do everything in my power to be as little inconvenience to the Fabray's as I could be.

A sudden clatter broke the silence of the room. A clatter reminiscent of the one I had heard this morning. Concerned, I opted to walk out of my room and down the spiral staircase to investigate. I walked into the hall through an archway into what I assumed was the living room. There was a large portrait of the Fabray family hanging on the wall over an ornate marble fireplace. I looked into their unmoving eyes, unnerved by their unwavering stares. They all had standard issue smiles fixed on their alabaster blemish less faces. They were harrowing in their perfection. And now Russell said that I was going to be one of them. I didn't know what to think of that. I liked being Santana Lopez. Did I really want to give that up?

"What are you doing down here? I thought you were sleeping?" I whipped my head round to see Russell sitting on an armchair clutching a large glass of whiskey and a wearing a confused look. I'd recognise that look anywhere; I'd seen it on my mom's face a thousand times. Russell was drunk. Extremely drunk if the empty crystal decanter at his feet was anything to go by. "You look just like her you know. Just like her." Russell stood up and walked towards me, taking my chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing me to look at him. I could see him staring at my face, taking in every little feature. I was unsure as to whether or not he liked what he saw. "You're just as beautiful as she was but I hope for your sake you're stronger than she was." Russell's words cut into me, shearing little pieces off my already mutilated heart. "I am strong. Stronger than anyone. Stronger than Quinn anyway. "I looked up at Russell defiantly, daring him to disagree. A devilish smile settled on his face. "You wouldn't be a Lopez if you weren't sassy. But bear in mind Santana you're not a Lopez anymore, you're a Fabray and Fabray's are never sassy. They are polite and well spoken." Russell's grip on my face seemed to tighten. I winced as his thumb dug into my chin. "You will mind me Santana. You will be a picture perfect Fabray. We're strong, we're ruthless when we need to be and we never show weakness." Russell's eyes flamed with untold rage as he relayed his words to me. My mom was a weepy drunk as opposed to an angry one like Russell so I was unsure of how to redirect his anger. I decided my best course of action was to comply with his demands. "Don't worry Sir I'll be a Fabray you can be proud of." I could feel the tears well up in my eyes, but I refused to let Russell see me cry. He wanted a strong, ruthless Fabray? He was going to get one. Santana Fabray was going to be everything he wanted and more. Russell finally let go of my face and turned his back to me. As I walked away through the arch I was sure of one thing. Santana Lopez was gone and I didn't know when or if she was ever coming back.

Present day, September 2010

As I sat at the front of the church reminiscing about that night, I wondered how different thing would have been if Senator Russell Fabray had never come into my life. Within a month of moving in with the Fabray's Russell had my surname officially changed to Fabray. I did everything that was expected of a Fabray. I got good grades, I went to church every Sunday, I volunteered at the local hospital, and I was captain of the Cheerios. All in all I was the epitome of the perfect all American teenager. What more could a Senator want from a daughter? Russell had trained me well, turned me into a house pet any family could be proud of. Little Santana Lopez, the orphan Senator Fabray was kind enough to take in, a diamond in the rough which Senator Fabray had cleaned and perfected. Now he had a diamond in Santana Fabray. Santana Fabray had everything, a handsome boyfriend, a loving family, money, beauty and great prospects. All Santana Lopez had was Brittany and with her gone she had nothing.

The service finally ended and the congregation began to shuffle out of the church, eager to go home and enjoy what was left of their Sunday. I waited until everyone had left the church and sat down in the now vacant front pew. Despite coming to church every Sunday for the last 8 years, I was sceptical of his existence. I'd had so much misery bestowed on me throughout my short life that I found it hard to believe there was a loving deity up there watching over me. Even if he was up there, I'm sure he had better things to worry about than me and my problems.

Every Sunday was the same. I would wait until everyone had left the church, I would sit in the front pew of the church and say the same prayer I'd said every day since she'd left. "God please send her back to me. She was made for me so please send her back. I need her. She's all I need. She's all I've ever needed. Amen." As I finished my pleading prayer, I could feel anger welling up inside of me. I'd prayed this same prayer for 8 years and nothing had happened. Did I really expect things to change now?

I walked out of the church towards my car where Quinn was standing waiting for me. "Hey San, did you get your prayer on chica?" I laughed at Quinn's faux ghettoness. "Girl you be far too white to be talkin' like that." Quinn smiled. "Did you pray for her?" Quinn didn't have to elaborate; she knew I only ever prayed for my mom and Britt-Britt. "You know me Quinnie, always chasing the dream." I avoided Quinn's gaze, knowing that she'd see right through my attempt to lighten the mood. "She'll come back you know. Someday. I know she will." I looked at Quinn, wishing that I could share her optimism. After 8 years though, I didn't have much left. "How do you know Quinn? It's been 8 years." Quinn paused but only for a second. "I just know San. You said it yourself. She's yours."

Monday Morning

I always hated Monday mornings. My day started with double AP Chemistry and finished with double gym, swiftly followed by Cherrios practice. As if Monday mornings weren't bad enough, I walked down the hall where I was greeted by my boyfriend Puck. "Hey babe how was your weekend?" he asked. "You'd know if you bothered to text me. Were you too busy fucking anything in a skirt and who's had a lobotomy to drop me a text?" Puck recoiled in fake horror. "Babe I am appalled by your implication that only girls who were mentally incompetent would want to have sex with me. Also, that I would discriminate against girls who wear trousers as opposed to skirts. Tsk- Tsk Sanny baby." I chuckled. "Jesus Puck that may be the longest, most coherent sentence I have ever heard come from that cesspit of a mouth of yours." Puck gave me his trademark bad boy smirk. "Well, I fucked an English major this weekend. Maybe something stuck." I smiled despite myself. Puck was kind of charming in his own moronic way. Puck was by no means the perfect boyfriend. Quite the contrary. In fact, Puck was the antithesis of the perfect boyfriend. He'd cancel dates at the last minute or not show up at all. He'd leave me on my own at parties and blatantly flirt with other girls in front of me. As well as all this he'd fuck anything in a skirt and apparently in trousers too. He didn't love me and I definitely didn't love him. I'd loved the same person for the last 8 years and she was long gone. Thinking about Brittany, I ran my finger over the tarnished silver band on the pinkie finger of my left hand. The ring was well worn from years of wear. I wore it on my pinkie now as it was the only finger the ring now fit on. It seemed fitting to wear it on that finger.

I was pulled out of my musings by the unpleasant feeling of Puck's sandpaper tongue trying to force its way into my mouth. The unwanted invasion caused me to push him hard, forcing him away from me. "Oh my god have you ever heard of a toothbrush?" I reprimanded, "I can practically taste your weekend conquest on your tongue." "What makes you think there was only one?" Puck said, wiggling his eyebrows at me. Most girlfriends would find such a confession reason enough to dump their boyfriends but for me and Puck this was the norm. He'd stray and tell me all about it and come Monday morning he'd be back on my arm, escorting me through the halls of McKinley High School. It may not be what everyone else had or wanted but it was the perfect arrangement for us. Our arrangement was mutually beneficial. Puck got a hot girlfriend to show off at school who let him do as he pleased so long as he was hers at school. For me, Puck served two purposes. Firstly, Puck was popular and attractive so having him on my arm seriously upped my social stock. Puck was a hot commodity and he was mine. Secondly, my dad absolutely despised him. Puck represented everything my dad hated. He was notorious around Lima for his womanising, recreational drug use and his tendency to find himself on the wrong side of the law. My dad almost had a heart attack when I told him we were dating. "Santana Fabray that boy is a deviant, a cad. You will not disgrace this family by dating him! Why can't you find a nice respectable boy like Quinn?" I had almost laughed out loud at that. If only my dad knew the truth about Quinn and Sam. It wasn't my secret to tell though and I would never betray Quinn's trust like that. With Brittany gone, she was the only thing I had going for me.

Puck swiftly leant forward and kissed my cheek. "Come on sweetness I'll walk you to class." Puck stuck his arm out for me to take. Ever the gentleman. Whoever said chivalry was dead? As we walked down the hall, I could see the hordes of students backing away from us, trying to avoid making eye contact. It was the fear I loved. I relished the power I wielded over my peers. I felt so powerless at home that I needed the power here. As I came to the door of my classroom, Puck planted a quick kiss on my lips. "I'll see you at lunch baby doll if I'm not, you know, otherwise engaged." I rolled my eyes at Puck, playfully slapping him on the chest. "Just make sure you stay safe. Remember no glove no love!" "You know it!" Puck exited the room, leaving me standing in the doorway. I really did hope Puck got laid because I sure as hell wasn't putting out and he knew it. He'd asked once and a swift kick to the testicles let him know that my body was off limits. To his credit, he never asked again.

Chemistry class dragged by until finally the bell rang. As I walked towards the door I was shocked to see Puck standing in the doorway holding two extra-large slushies. "I thought you had other engagements at lunch time Puckerman", I said, my tone teasing. "Nothing important enough to keep me away from you my fiery Latina goddess." I wretched at his over the top flattery. He handed me one of the slushies. "For you, my lady love. It's raspberry, you're favourite." This was as close to affection as Puck could manage, but I appreciated the gesture. "Aw you remembered! Raspberry is my favourite! It's a bitch to get out. At least, that's what I've been told." Puck looked at me proudly. "So, who's it gonna be today? Jacob maybe? Or what about the hobbit? Or maybe another one of the Gleeks. They've been way too peppy for my liking since they won Regionals. They need to remember their place. Plus I hear some new girl joined the Glee club. I think we should give her a real Willy McKinley High welcome!" Puck looked down at his own slushy. He was so mischievous, just like his namesake. He was still that little boy with the Mohawk that I'd threatened all those years ago when he'd been mean to my Princess Britt-Britt. I let out a frustrated sigh. 8 years later and she's still the only thing besides my mom that I ever really think about.

"You okay babe? If I didn't know better I'd think you were stoned. You look all pensive and shit." Puck's voice snapped me back into reality. I shook off my thoughts of Brittany. "Pensive? Wow that English major taught you well didn't she!" Puck smiled. "And she's back in the room. There's my girl." Puck slung his arm over my shoulder and I snuggled into him. Yes, he was a dick but he was my dick. It was easy to be like this with Puck. He was like an irritating little brother than annoyed me endlessly but that I couldn't help but love. In a purely plutonic way of course. With the exception of Quinn, Puck was probably my closest friend. God I can't believe I just thought that. I'd never say it out loud; Puck might get the wrong idea and begin to think I really cared about him or something.

We walked further down the hall, scouting for promising prospects for the slushies we had clasped in our hands. Suddenly, I caught a glimpse of blonde hair. Honey blonde hair. The right shade of blonde hair. No it couldn't be, could it? Against my better judgement, I decided to follow my instincts and run after the honey blonde haired girl. I came to a stop halfway down the empty hallway. My body refused to move, hoping of avoiding the disappointment of discovering this honey blonde haired girl was not my honey haired blonde girl. "Brittany?" I whispered, scared that if I said her name any louder she would shatter into a million pieces like the illusion I was sure she was. The hall way was so quiet that she heard me. She turned quickly, hair billowing. "Santana? Is it really you?" As the words left her mouth, my whole world changed.

_Flashback, 8 years ago, September 2002_

After my mom died, Judy had insisted that I take the week off school and Russell had begrudgingly agreed. I didn't want to tell them that I wanted to go to school because Britt- Britt was there and I knew she was the only person who could offer me any kind of comfort. My first week at the Fabray's had flown by. The morning of my mom's funeral, I woke up before dawn. The room was still dark and only a tiny sliver of sunlight was peeking up over the horizon. I'd only gotten a few hours' sleep but I knew that even if I lay in my bed I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. I got out of bed and stumbled into the en suite. I decided to indulge in a longer than usual shower. By the time I came out, the sun had almost fully risen. I unwrapped the fluffy white towel from around my body and threw it into the hamper. I walked over to the closet and pulled out the outfit Judy had been nice enough to pick out for me the night before. I tugged the dress over my head and slipped the fitted black blazer over my shoulders. I looked at myself in the full length mirror. I'd spent the week morphing into Santana Fabray, just like Russell had asked; however, today it was Santana Lopez that was burying her mami. I heard a knock at my bedroom door and was shocked to see Quinn walking in.

Quinn had been surprisingly nice since I had moved in. She seemed to understand how hard it must have been for me, losing my mom and moving in with a family I didn't know, all in the space of a week. On my second night in the Fabray house, I had been lying in my bed, sobbing. I heard my door creak open and found Quinn standing there, looking over at me quizzically. I waited for her to taunt me or make some kind of quip about being a cry baby. Instead, she padded over to my bed, lifted the covers and slipped in behind me. She draped her arm over my waist and pulled me into her, until her front was touching my back. She didn't offer any words of comfort, instead she just held me while violent sobs wracked my body. She stayed with me that night. As the week went on, Quinn kept coming to my room to sleep with me in my bed. However, on Thursday night Russell had stopped her stating that "Santana is a big girl Quinn she needs to learn to sleep on her own." Quinn had agreed, scared that a refusal would lead her being berated further.

Quinn was wearing a black dress and jacket, not dissimilar to my own. She smiled at me warmly before walking over to stand beside me. "I know daddy said you're a big girl and that big girls don't cry, but you can cry today San. You don't have to be strong today. I'll be strong for both of us." I turned my gaze from the mirror to look at Quinn. I never thought I'd see the day where I would be grateful for Quinn Fabray. "Thank-you Quinn" She smiled at me. "We're all downstairs so just come down when you're ready okay." I nodded, knowing I would never be truly ready to descend that spiral staircase, walk out the front door and go to bury my mom. "I'm ready now." With that Quinn took my hand in hers and walked us out of my room, down the stairs and into the car.

As we arrived at the church, I looked around at the mourners faces. I recognised a few of them as colleagues of my mom from the diner she worked in, a few others from the bar she frequented. We sat in the first pew. We sang hymns and offered up prayers for my mom. At the end of the service we made our way out to the cemetery. I walked up to the side of the freshly dug grave. I looked over at the wooden casket, the box they'd put my mami in and now they were going to put her in the ground forever. I cried and cried as I realised that I'd never see her again. My heart was so broken I thought it was going to stop beating altogether, and then they would put me in the ground beside my mami. My eyes stung from the tears. As they lowered her into the dirt it took all my resolve not to jump into the ground with her. "Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust." I heard the minister recite like I'm sure he had a thousand times before. That was all my mom was now, ashes and dust; it was all she would ever be. As my mom's casket hit the bottom of the grave, I felt a hand grasp mine. A soft, small hand. I looked across, curious to see who had intruded on my mourning. My anger dissipated immediately as I looked into cobalt blue eyes. Britt-Britt. My princess Britt-Britt.

I felt like I hadn't seen her in years when in reality it had only been a few days. With my mom gone, buried in the ground, Britt-Britt was all I had left. The only person left in the world who loved me. The Fabray's may have fed me, clothed me, but they didn't love me. Britt- Britt loved me though. She was mine. Mine to love, forever.

The mourners began to disperse. I could see Britt-Britt's mommy standing at the edge of the cemetery, a sad look on her face. She offered me a smile and waved at me. I offered her one in return. She was so like Brittany, all blue eyes, blonde hair and smiles. After a few moments, Britt-Britt and I were the only two people left. The Fabray's were standing beside their SUV, waiting patiently for me to return to them. Britt-Britt threw her arms around me, squeezing me deliciously tight. I buried my nose in her soft blonde hair, basking in the beautiful scent that was so uniquely my princess Britt-Britt. I hugged her back hard until my arms became heavy. As I pulled away from her, I noticed that she was crying. Britt-Britt crying was an utter crime against nature. Here, tears were marring her beautiful freckled cheeks and still the sun had the audacity to continue shining?

"Hey Prince Tana. I'm sorry your mommy died. I know I never met her, but she made you so she must be a great lady." Throughout the whole week since my mom had died, people had been offering me their condolences and words of comfort, but they all fell on deaf ears. All except Britt-Britt's. Her sincere words caused a fresh round of tears to fall from my eyes, cascading down my cheeks. Britt-Britt reached out and gently brushed them away with the pad of her thumb. "Don't cry Tana. It makes the angels sad when you cry because you're one of them. You can't tell anyone though cos then God might try to take you away, back to Heaven and that would be sad." I smiled at her words. I wasn't just a prince to Britt-Britt, I was an angel too. In a world where I meant hardly anything to anybody, to mean something to her was all I could ask for. "Don't worry Princess Britt-Britt; these are happy tears because you're here." Britt-Britt's face lit up. "I'm sorry I haven't seen you, Judy kept me off school. I missed you so much Britt-Britt. Promise me we'll never go a whole week without seeing each other again. I love you so you'll stay with me right?" I looked into those sparkling blue eyes of her, begging her to agree. Instead all I saw in her eyes was sadness. Britt-Britt took a deep breath before speaking. "Prince Tana, I'm so sorry. There's something I need to tell you. I don't want to but my mommy and mom said I have to." I reached out and took her hand. I brought it up to my lips and placed a gentle kiss on her open palm. "Britt-Britt whatever it is you can tell me. I won't be mad, promise." Britt-Britt sighed heavily. "I have to go. I'm leaving tomorrow. My mom was re-employed and we have to go. We're moving to LA tomorrow. I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you Prince Tana. You're mine. I can't leave you. My heart would hurt too much." By the time she finished speaking, Britt-Britt was full on sobbing, a thick stream of tears running down her face.

As Britt-Britt's tears ran down her face, Russell's words echoed in my head. "Fabray's are strong." I had to be strong for Princess Britt-Britt, I mean I was her prince and it was my job to protect and look after her, even if it meant breaking my own heart in the process. I reached up and wiped away her tears, trying desperately to avoid shedding tears of my own. "Britt-Britt, don't be sad", I said, trying to stop my voice from cracking, "This isn't the end for us." Britt-Britt looked at me, pleading with me to explain. "I promise you that no matter where you go or what you do I'll always love you. Every moment of everyday, I'll spend it loving you. Someday I'll find you again and then I'll marry you and we'll live happily ever after. I promise you Britt-Britt and a Prince never breaks his promise." My tone was resolute, just like it had been when I'd made a similar declaration to Britt-Britt's mommy. I was sure in the knowledge that I would keep every promise I'd just made to her. I was sure that I would find her again someday and that I'd marry her; but until that day I'd spend every day in between loving her.

"How do you know Prince Tana? Are you a cyclist?" I chuckled, knowing what Britt-Britt really meant. "No Britt-Britt I'm not. I know because you're mine." That was all it took. A smile so bright that the sun shone down in envy stretched across Britt-Britt's perfect face. I watched curiously as Britt-Britt pulled a shiny silver ring off her finger. She took my hand and placed the ring in it. "My mom gave this to my mommy. She said she gave it to her because of all the people in the world; she loved my mommy the best. Then mommy gave it to me because she said when I was born, she loved me the best." Britt-Britt smiled again, revealing the adorable gap where her two front teeth had previously been. "I love you the best Tana so I'm giving you this ring. That way, you'll never forget who you belong to." I took the ring and placed it reverently on my finger. It glistened in the midday sun. I smiled at Britt-Britt before leaning forward and pressing my lips to hers. Her cheeks flushed pink, just like they had the first time she had kissed me. "Thank you Britt-Britt. I'll keep it safe. I promise." I made another promise I was determined to keep. I leant in and kissed her soft lips again. "Always" I whispered, as our lips parted. "Always", she replied. With that, she turned and walked across the cemetery towards her mommy. She hopped into the front seat of the car, turning to look out the window at me. She smiled at me one last time and waved. By the time I lifted my arm to return it, she was gone.

Present day

"Santana? Is it really you?" Brittany's words rung out through the silent hall. This couldn't be real. Was this a joke? Just as I had resigned myself to the fact that my princess Britt-Britt was gone and never coming back, god saw fit to present her to Santana Fabray. Santana Lopez had prayed for her Britt- Britt to come back and now Santana Fabray had found her. Before I could comprehend what was happening, I saw the honey blonde hair I'd spent 8 years missing being covered in a thick film of ice cold raspberry slushy.


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN- Sorry again for the update delay I absolutely swear to be quicker next time! So here's another chapter for you all! Please review and let me know what you think I'd really love to hear from my subscribers too just to let me how you're liking the story!**_

Chapter 2

Puck's loud obnoxious laughter was the only sound that could be heard in the hallway. "Welcome to Willy McKinley gloser!" Beside Puck was Quinn, an irritated look on her face. She was no doubt frowning at Puck's childish antics. Quinn may have been my fellow Fabray and HBIC, but hers was a peaceful reign, her popularity a result of being genuinely well liked, in stark contrast to my own rise to power which was a result of years of slushy facials and verbal, as well as the occasional physical, beat downs. I was so focussed on Puck and Quinn that I had almost failed to notice that Brittany was still standing in front of me, her hair and face dyed blue by the slushy Puck had poured over her unsuspecting head.

Her sparkling blue eyes stared at me in bewilderment. I looked at her face, covered in slushy but still as beautiful as ever, her freckles still discernible. Those eyes. Years apart hadn't dulled my memory of them, quite the opposite in fact. As the years went by, my memories of her just became clearer and clearer. Even with my crystal clear recollection, my memories did not do justice to the vision in front of me. I felt like I had been staring at Brittany for hours as opposed to seconds

I could feel her eyes on me, posing a hundred questions. "Prince Tana, is it really you? Did you keep your promise to love me forever? And now that I'm back are we going to live happily ever after like you said?" All these questions and Santana Fabray didn't have the answer to any of them. Santana Lopez knew the answer to them all. Santana Fabray however was a different case entirely.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything to stave off the silence. Brittany, however, beat me to it. "Tana? Tana is that you?" I was shocked at the excitement in Brittany's voice. Here she was, first day at a new school, covered in slushy, shivering and humiliated and still here only thoughts were of me, the best friend she'd left behind 8 years ago. My heart broke as I realised the little girl Brittany had left behind was long gone. She was still Princess Britt-Britt but I was no longer Prince Tana and I couldn't see that changing any time soon.

The irony of this entire situation was not lost on me. I'd spent 8 years pleading with a god I wasn't sure I even believed in to deliver onto me my hearts only desire and now that she was here, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't be the girl Brittany had left behind, the girl she needed, the girl she deserved. I couldn't love her out in the open for all to see. I couldn't inflict Russell Fabray's wrath on her; he would eat my Britt-Britt alive, just like he had Santana Lopez. Brittany was sunshine personified, she deserved to shine.

"Santana baby do you know this loser?" Puck asked eyes quizzical. I sucked in a deep breath, anticipating how much what I was about to say was going to hurt "No," I replied, "I've never seen her before in my life. I don't know who the fuck she thinks I am, but I'm not her." As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back. Even though I knew before I said them that they were necessary, I hadn't meant to hiss the words so harshly. Brittany looked like she was ready to collapse, heartbroken at my brazen rejection of her, the only girl I'd ever love. Her hurt was replaced quickly with an emotion with which I was intimately familiar. Anger. "Mine forever huh? Seems like forever just got a lot shorter." Brittany spat. I wish Brittany had punched me or kicked me over even shot me because no physical pain could ever contend with the ache that her words had caused to settle in my chest.

Quinn and Puck watched us curiously. Quinn looked disappointed and Puck simply looked confused. "What the fuck is going on here? I'm confused," Puck stated bluntly. Trust Puck to be oblivious to how awkward this entire situation was. I found myself momentarily thankful for Puck's insensitivity, as his words had caused Brittany to tear her eyes away from mine and turn them to Puck. "Nothing's going on here. I thought I recognised her but I was obviously wrong. She's not the girl I thought she was", Brittany said, dropping her gaze to the floor. "How could you know my girlfriend, you're new here." I winced as Puck's use of the word "girlfriend" caused Brittany to snap her head up to stare at me, begging me to refute what Puck had said. I wished I could but she'd know I was lying as soon as the words came out of my mouth.

Brittany reached a hand up and wiped some of the remnants of slushy from her face, no doubt wiping away a few tears in the process. "Girlfriend? I hope you realize how lucky you are. I'd give anything to be able to call a girl like that mine." Brittany's words quivered as she tried her utmost to stop a fresh cascade of tears. My heart seized painfully, my entire body shaking uncontrollably as I tried to reign it all in. How could I do this to her? I actively hated myself for being the cause of her sadness but I knew it was in everybody's best interest in the long run. Maybe someday I could be worthy of her again. But that day wasn't today. Despite my decision, I didn't want her to think I didn't love her. I wanted her to know that'd I was hers, that I always had been and I always would be. "I'm not his", I whispered. As Brittany was standing closest to me, she seemed to be the only one who heard my whispered confession. I dared to glance up and instantly regretted my decision. Brittany's face had softened, a small smile flitting across her face. That was my Britt-Britt, always so quick to forgive. I cursed myself inwardly. Brittany wasn't mine to claim anymore. Just because I would always be hers didn't give me the right to call her mine. Brittany had always belonged to Santana Lopez and Santana Fabray had no claim to her. Brittany had been the only thing Santana Fabray had ever envied Santana Lopez.

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm missing something here?" Puck said, pulling my attention away from Brittany. Quinn just rolled her eyes in annoyance. "You really are a special kind of moron aren't you Puckerman," Quinn hissed. Puck just shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever. I'm gonna bounce, you coming babe?" I couldn't bring myself to speak, opting instead to shake my head in response. "Suit yourself. Laters lover." With that, Puck turned on his heel and walked down the hall leaving me, Quinn and a soaked Brittany standing in silence in the hallway. I looked over at Brittany who was shivering from the slushy, her white shirt clinging to her. I wanted to comfort her, wrap her up in my arms, but my body seemed unwilling to comply. Quinn was looking over at me expectantly, silently questioning me as to why I was just standing there when Brittany obviously needed my help. As I went to take a step towards Brittany, I noticed someone was walking towards us at a very brisk pace. Someone wearing a plaid mini skirt, knee high white socks, brown penny loafers and a very unfortunate looking argyle sweater. Fan-fucking-tastic. Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse.

"Brittany I see you've fallen victim to the ritual humiliation that often comes with the choice to join the glee club. I would've thought as this is your first day you would have been granted a clemency, but it appears I was mistaken as I can see you are covered in copious amounts of raspberry slushy," Rachel said, all in one breath. Needless to say Berry had the lungs of a singer. Rachel pulled the sleeve of her sweater down over her hand and began to wipe away some of the slushy from Brittany's hair and face. "Don't worry Brittany, such embarrassment serves only to strengthen ones character, I assure you." Brittany's eyes moved up to look at Rachel, offering her a sweet smile. I found an irrational wave of jealousy wash over me. Here, my least favourite person in the world was helping my lady love, offering her words of comfort. I knew my jealousy was groundless, but I felt compelled to say something.

"Hey, shire dweller, would you mind taking your man hands off my girl?" I clapped my hands over my mouth as soon as the words left it. For the first time in 8 years, Santana Lopez had made an appearance, making things very awkward for Santana Fabray. Quinn looked over at me, smirking at my embarrassment. She knew I deserved it after the way I had treated Brittany when Puck had been here. Rachel stopped wiping Brittany's face before turning to face me. "Your girl? Santana is that some kind of urban colloquialism I am unfamiliar with? Or are you trying to imply that you have Sapphic inclinations towards Brittany? Rest assured, if you did your affections would be unrequited. Brittany is the exact opposite of you; she's kind and caring, not manipulative and prone to outbursts of cruelty towards her peers." Brittany looked annoyed at Rachel and opened her mouth to offer a rebuttal. She was silenced however by a pleading look from me. Today had been excruciating enough without listening to Brittany defend a girl that didn't exist anymore.

Quinn looked at me sympathetically before speaking. "Back off Rachel, Santana was just making sure Brittany was ok, no need to get your granny panties in a twist", Quinn said forcefully. "Why would Santana care about the plight of one of her social inferiors? She's never given thought to any of her victims before! Can she even see us from that throne she's carved for herself?" Quinn's nostrils flared in irritation. "Jesus Berry just leave it! Brittany's fine, just take her into the bathroom and clean her off. Think you can do that?" "Of course I can, it's not like I'm not well versed in the ways of slushy removal," Rachel replied. With that, she grabbed Brittany's arm and dragged her down the hall towards the girl's bathroom.

I stood in the hallway and tried to navigate my way through my thoughts on what had just happened. Quinn walked over to me and wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, giving me a much needed hug. "She came back San, just like you wanted, just like I said she would," Quinn whispered in my ear. My arms fell from Quinn's waist as I wriggled out of her arms. "Yeah Quinn she came back. I just don't know who she came back to." Tears began to trickle down my cheek. Quinn looked at me, pledging to help me in any way I needed. "I love you, you know that don't you?" The words felt foreign to my ears. I wasn't used to hearing them. "Yeah Q I know. I love you too." I meant it too. Next to Brittany, I loved Quinn more than anyone. Quinn grabbed my hand and led me down the hall in the same direction Rachel and Brittany had just gone.

As we walked past the girl's bathroom, I couldn't help but over hear Rachel's shrill voice coming through the slightly ajar door. "While it's not uncommon for Santana to slushy any of the glee club members, she has a particular penchant for slushying me, ever since freshman year when I accidentally witnessed her in this very bathroom, wallowing in the depths of despair." My anger began to rise as I listened to Berry's words. "You caught Tana swimming and now she hates you? That doesn't even make sense." I smiled at Brittany's innocent response. I guess some things never change. "No Brittany I saw her naked! Emotionally naked that is." I was glad Berry cleared that up. "She was in the throes, proclaiming undying love for an unknown girl whom she has been pining for since she was just 10 years old! Her declaration of love was so touching I was momentarily convinced that she was speaking about someone else." I couldn't see Brittany but I could imagine her looking up at Rachel, begging her to elaborate. "Well, it all happened 4 years ago, freshman year," I couldn't hear Rachel's words as my mind went back to the day she was about to recount to Brittany. The day she saw everything.

_Flashback, 4 years ago, September 2006_

"I can't stop crying Quinn!" I exclaimed, my voice thick with tears "That stupid dream last night seemed so real and I woke up this morning crying and I haven't been able to stop since!" I'd had this dream a few times, the dream where Brittany was in front of me, just within arm's reach and all of a sudden the ground would open and swallow her whole and I couldn't save her. Quinn was rubbing her hands gently over my arms, trying, unsuccessfully, to calm me. "It was just a dream San, it wasn't real." I whipped my head round to face Quinn, anger building inside of me. "Exactly! It was just a dream. She isn't here with me, I can't protect her. I promised I'd look after her Quinn. How am I supposed to do that when I don't have a clue where she is? I just wish she was here. With me. Like she's meant to be." I collapsed, exhausted from hours of crying. It was all just too much. The dream, the first day of high school, impending Cheerio try-outs, Russell on my back warning me not to sully the Fabray name. It was a heavier load than I could bear.

Quinn sat down on the cold tile floor beside me and took my hand in hers, stroking her thumb over it comfortingly. Her thumb stopped and she gently ran it over the silver ring on my left hand, the ring she knew I never took off. The ring I'd worn every day since she left to remind me that out there was someone I belonged to.

"Tell me the story again San. It'll make you feel better." I chuckled at Quinn's request. "Q I've told you the story a million times! You probably know it better than I do. Aren't you sick of hearing it?" Quinn smiled. "It's a beautiful story San; I could never get sick of hearing it." I wiped the tears away and began to tell Quinn my story. I told her about my promise to Britt-Britt, to love her and marry her and my pledge to be hers forever. Every time I told Quinn this story she cried, despite having heard it a thousand times before. "Q you always cry when I tell you this story, it makes me feel bad for telling it." Quinn laughed and wiped away the few stray tears on her cheeks. "They're happy tears San. It's such a fairy-tale. You're devotion to Brittany even all these years later, it's touching." "Touching?" I replied, my tone mocking. "Yeah San, touching. With a story like that it' so obvious that you and Brittany are made for each other. She's sure to come back. You guys are soul mates." I smiled "Soul mates? Yeah I'd say that was accurate." I got up off the floor, reaching my hand out to pull Quinn up along with me.

I went up to the sink and threw some water on my face, hoping it would relieve the stinging in my eyes. I pulled a paper towel out of the dispenser and wiped my face with it, before throwing it into the trash can. Suddenly, a toilet flush from behind me caused me to whip round, ready to confront the unfortunate party that was about to exit the stall. I froze as the occupant of the stall walked out. Rachel Berry. Of course. I had revealed my biggest secret to the biggest mouth in all of Ohio. My self-preservation kicked in. I surged forward, grabbing Rachel by the throat, pinning her up against the bathroom wall. "What the fuck did you hear bait girl?" I hissed menacingly. Rachel looked back at me terrified. "Santana I may have listened with intrigue as you shared your touching tale of heartbreak, but I swear on Barbra, I would never think to sully the sanctity of such a tale by relaying it to the masses of William McKinley High School. They would reduce it to nothing more than a tawdry foray into pre-adolescent lesbianism." Rachel's words, overly dramatic as they were, seemed to be in earnest. I wanted to believe her, that she'd keep my secret. Now that she already knew, I didn't have much choice in the matter. I let go of her throat and took a step back. As she moved off the wall and towards the door, I put my arm across it, effectively blocking her. "Listen Berry if you even so much as think about telling anyone about what you heard, I'm going to hunt you down and pour hot wax down your throat and fry your vocal chords. Then I'll set you on fire and piss on the embers of your still smouldering corpse." I looked Rachel straight in the eye, leaving her in no doubt that I meant every word I'd just said. By the look on her face, she got the message and nodded quickly before scurrying out of the bathroom. As soon as she was gone, I let out a sigh and dropped my head to rest on the bathroom door. I jumped with surprise as a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. In my rage, I'd forgotten that Quinn was in the bathroom and had witnessed everything. I sighed and leant back, letting my head fall onto Quinn's shoulder. "It's ok San everything's going to be ok. I've got you," she murmured in my ear. I let myself relax, enjoying the warmth of Quinn's arms around me. I imagined they were Brittany's and tried to believe her when she said everything was going to be ok.

"Santana's threat was so detailed that I considered asking my dad's to hire a personal bodyguard for my protection. Even if she hadn't threatened me with extreme violence, I never would've told anyone. If that had been my intention, I would've told everyone by now. You're the only person I've ever told." I was somewhat shocked that Berry had never told anyone, not in 4 years. Even after all the abuse, the humiliation, the slushy facials, she'd never told anyone my secret. I wasn't worthy of such consideration. I didn't know if it was borne of fear or pity, but I was thankful for it. "Brittany I would appreciate if you didn't share this confidence with anyone as it may lead to my untimely demise and I'm sure you would agree I'm much too talented to die." I snorted at Rachel's arrogance. "Rachel," I heard Brittany ask, "why didn't you ever tell anyone? I mean you said Santana has tormented you for the last 4 years. Why protect her?" I was curious to hear the answer to that question myself. "Well Brittany, having heard Santana's story I would hate myself for exposing her. Santana is already suffering a broken heart. I don't have the right to add to her already unbearable pain. Hearing her story, I know she's capable of epic love. She's truly a much better person than she's allowing herself to be." Rachel's words caused a fresh ache to settle in my chest. "She really is Rachel. You have no idea." Brittany's words caused the ache to increase tenfold "I wish someone loved me like that. So fiercely, so passionately. Not many people are capable of such devotion. What I wouldn't give to know such love Brittany." I couldn't help but hope that Rachel found it someday. Everyone deserved to be loved. Everyone except Santana Fabray that is. "If only you knew" I snapped my head round to Quinn, who was obviously unaware she'd said the words out loud. I turned to face her, my curiosity piqued by her outburst. Quinn's face flushed pink with embarrassment. I was tempted to ask her what exactly she had meant, but opted against it, deciding to offer her the same courtesy she'd extended me so many times in the past. She'd talk to me when she was ready.

The sound of her voice had caused Brittany to turn her head towards the slightly open bathroom door. Her eyes swept over the miniscule crack, catching a glimpse of me before I managed to hop away from the door. I could see a small smile tugging at her lips. She turned back to face Rachel. "I know what you mean Rachel. It's great to love someone like that and have them love you the same way back. You'll find it someday Rach. Who knows, maybe you've found it already and you just haven't realised it yet." Brittany glanced at the door as she spoke, hoping I'd get the message. I let Brittany's word sink in a moment before heaving myself off the wall. I grabbed Quinn's hand and dragged her towards the Cheerio locker room. We needed to talk.

As we entered the Cheerio locker room, I made sure to lock the door behind us. The last thing we needed was an unwelcome interruption. Quinn began to fidget apprehensively, obviously worried that I was going to ask her about what she'd said outside the girl's bathroom. I decided to speak up to ease her discomfort. "I can't believe she's back Q. She's here. Why did she have to choose now to come back?" I was almost yelling by the time I'd finished. Quinn seemed relieved that we weren't going to be talking about her. "I don't get it San, you've waited all this time for her to come back and the first time you see her you act like a grade A douche!" Quinn shouted. "Quinn I haven't seen her in 8 years! I'm not 10 years old anymore; it was just a stupid schoolgirl crush. I'm with Puck Q; Brittany can't just waltz back into my life and expect things to be the same!" I quivered with rage as I shouted at Quinn.

Quinn, never one to indulge me, was quick to reply, equally as loudly. "Bullshit Santana, it's just me and you here so have the lady balls to tell the fuckin truth! You still love Brittany, you always have and you always will! You're just scared that after all this time she doesn't love you back. That she forgot about you and her promise to always be yours." Quinn finished her sentence with a whisper. I couldn't have been more devastated if she'd carved the words into my chest. Quinn always knew me, almost better than I knew myself. She could see my worries, my fears, and my insecurities.

I sat down on the bench that stood in between the rows of lockers, burying my head in my hands. "I know Q, you're right. What if she doesn't love me anymore? I'm not that little girl she left behind; I haven't been for a long time. I don't deserve her anymore Quinn, I'll only hurt her. She's better off being with someone who can love her the way she deserves to be loved" The words felt like ashes in my mouth. The thought of someone else loving Brittany even a tenth as much as I did was laughable. I loved that girl more than the sun, the moon the stars and everything in between. More than every thing and person in this world combined. "Santana we both know that when it comes to loving Brittany, no one will ever do it better than you. You just have to be brave enough do it." Quinn was right and I knew it. Saying it was easy, actually doing it was the hard part. I stood up off the bench and walked over to my Cheerio locker. I was beyond frustrated, full of the uncontrollable urge to scream and scream until my throat burnt. Instead, I lashed my fist out at my locker, striking the cold, hard metal with my left fist. The immediate sensation of pain that shot through my hand was a welcome relief from the pain in my chest. I reigned down blow after blow on my locker door, hitting it harder and harder every time. At the sight of blood trickling down my locker door, Quinn sprang up and grabbed my arms, holding them tightly at my sides. "It's ok San, you'll figure it out, and Brittany will help you. If you aren't brave enough to love her out in the open yet then at least be brave enough to give her the chance to change your mind. She still loves you Santana, I know it, she knows it and deep down you know it too. She's still yours. Proudly so."

I closed my eyes, willing myself to believe Quinn's words. I could do this. I could do this for Brittany. All I needed was a little time. I let out a breath and Quinn's grip loosened, now that she was sure I wouldn't be assaulting any lockers again anytime soon. As I flexed my left hand, I felt excruciating pain shoot up my arm. I looked down at my hand. My knuckles were already a violent purple colour and swollen, rapidly drying blood caked over them. I flexed my hand a few more times, hoping the pain would subside. My actions however, had the opposite effect. I couldn't extend my fingers without sending a sharp bolt of pain radiating through my hand. Great, a broken hand. The perfect ending to a wonderful day. Coach Sylvester was going to love this, not to mention daddy dearest's reaction.

Quinn noticed the pained expression on my face as I flexed my fingers again. "Damn San that looks nasty. I'll take you to the hospital, you're going to need an x-ray." I nodded miserably. "Well school's finished now so I'll go get our bags then we'll head out ok? Oh and don't worry, if dad asks we'll tell him you got it caught in a door or something." I nodded again before reaching out with my right arm to give Quinn a one armed hug. "I really appreciate you putting up with me and my shit Quinnie." Quinn chuckled. "You're my sister, it's your job to make me crazy and it's my job to put up with you. Besides, if I don't, who will?" I smiled at Quinn. She really was the best sister a girl could ask for. Quinn took my right hand and led me out of the locker room. I walked out to the car park while Quinn went to our lockers to lift our bags. She returned a few minutes later and walked me to her car, opening the door for me before driving in the direction of Lima County Hospital.

Two hours and 500 hospital forms later, I was sitting in a hallway waiting to be seen by a doctor. I'd already had my x-ray and was waiting for a doctor to tell me what the damage was. I knew from the swelling and throbbing that my hand was broken. I could barely move it without hissing and wincing in pain. I looked down the hall and saw a blonde haired woman walking towards me. She seemed jovial, a spring evident in her step. This seemed odd, considering she'd probably been working for the last 20 hours straight. She walked up to the nurses' station and lifted a clipboard. "Santana Fabray? Santana Fabray?" It took me a moment to realise it was my name she was shouting.

I got up off my chair and made my way towards her, nursing my injured left hand in my uninjured right one. "That's me" I replied. The doctor turned to me and smiled. That blonde hair. Those blue eyes. They seemed so familiar. I looked down to read her name tag, hoping to put a name to the face. To my disappointment, she didn't appear to be wearing one. "Well Santana, we'll just go into this treatment room here and get you all fixed up!" Her voice was airy and calming. She seemed to be one of those constantly happy people, the kind of person you could run over with your car and their only concern would be whether or not they dented your bumper. A shiny, happy person. Just like my girl Britt-Britt. I cursed myself for referring to her once again as "my girl". I quickly shook away the thoughts of Brittany. The pain in my hand was enough to contend with without trying to fend off the pain in my heart too.

I sat down in the chair opposite the nameless doctor. "Well Santana from the look of this x-ray and the lacerations on your knuckles, I can only assume you're either a boxer or an MMA fighter. You've somehow managed to fracture 2 of your knuckles, break you trapezoid, fracture 3 of your metacarpals and chip your hamate. I'm not going to lie Miss Fabray, I'm almost impressed! I dread to think what shape the other guy is in." I laughed, appreciating her attempt to lighten my mood. "Now in all seriousness Santana, what, or who did you punch, that you managed to do this much damage? A wrecking ball perhaps?" I laughed again. This doctor obviously had a way with patients. I looked up into her cobalt blue eyes. Eyes that looked all too familiar. Why couldn't I shake the feeling I'd seen this woman before?

"Do I know you from somewhere?" I was shocked that I'd blurted my thoughts out loud. "No, I don't think so. I just starting working here a few days ago so I don't think you've seen me around. Maybe I just have one of those faces. Besides, if I'd met a beautiful young Latina firecracker such as yourself, rest assured I would have remembered you." I blushed at her compliment before quickly regaining my composure, "Are you flirting with me Doctor? I wouldn't blame you I mean I am hot as hell but am I really worth risking incarceration for? Actually don't answer that. I already know the answer. I totally am." I was wearing a smug grin as I finished. The doctor laughed heartily. "Don't flatter yourself, for alas my heart belongs to another", she said, bringing her left hand up to flash a wedding band. "I know the feeling" I replied, looking down at my own silver ring which was now placed on the pinkie finger of my right hand, It'd been extremely painful pulling it off the swollen pinkie of my left hand, but as Quinn pointed out, if I couldn't get it off, they'd cut it off at the hospital. The thought of losing Brittany's ring had caused me to grit my teeth and bear the pain as Quinn coaxed the ring off my finger.

"Now, back to your hand Santana would you like to tell me what happened?" I wrestled with the idea of lying to her but as I looked into those blue eyes, I found that I couldn't. They reminded me too much of Brittany's and I could never lie to her. Plus, it's not like she was going to run off and tell Russell the truth. "I punched my locker at school" She looked over at me, nodding at me to continue "It all just got a bit much you know? I just wanted it to stop for a minute. I needed to stop thinking about her just for a second. She's driving me crazy. In a totally good but scary way." My head shot up as I realised what I had just said. The doctor smiled at me "Santana believe me, I can relate. Love makes you do stupid things like punch lockers. A s my daughter would say, "The scientists may study the stars above but it takes a fool to fall in love." Too smart for her own good that girl is. She sees the truths so few of us dare to believe." I could see the adoration shining in her eyes as she described her daughter. I could never imagine Russell talking about me in such a loving way to a stranger. "She sounds smart your daughter." She smiled again "She is she's very smart. Beautiful too, just like her mom." I laughed, admiring her confidence. She was beautiful; there was no reason not to own it. I did.

She cleared her throat. "Anyway, enough of this chit chat let's get on with fixing this hand of yours. And one more thing Santana, no matter how bad things get, promise me you won't hurt yourself like this again. Invest in a punch bag, they're soft and they never hit back." I found myself laughing again. "I'll look into it. So what are we going to do about my hand here?" I was anxious to see how long my dominant left hand was going to be out of commission. "You'll be happy to hear we don't have to amputate," she said amusingly "but you will need a cast. You'll have it for at least 4 weeks then you'll have to come back and see me and we'll assess the hand and decide what to do next. Until then, no strenuous activity. You don't want to jostle the bones too much, that may cause them to reset improperly and that means we would need to re break the bones and none of us want that do we?" I shook my head. I was annoyed at my own stupidity. 4 weeks. Regionals were in 8. Coach was going to kill me or worse yet, kick me off the Cheerio's.

The doctor got up and pulled some supplies out of the cupboard before setting about casting my hand. We chatted and within 15 minutes, she appeared to be finished. I looked down at the new, white, quickly hardening cast that was encasing my hand and wrist. I thanked her before moving to walk out of the room. "Santana," she said as I reached the door, "Don't take this the wrong way, but don't let me see you in here again ok?" I smiled, knowing what she meant. I was touched by the sentiment. "I'll try my best. Scout's honour." I raised my cast clad left hand. I could hear her laughing as I walked out of the room towards the exit doors.

I fished my phone out of my jeans pocket. Fumbling with the keys and using only my right hand I managed to type a message to Quinn, asking her where she was. She replied almost immediately, telling me that she had gone to get us some food and she'd be back to get me in 10 minutes. I decided to have a cigarette as I waited. I know smoking is a disgusting habit, but it really annoyed Russell and that was enough for me. I pulled the crumpled Marlborough Light's box out of my pocket. The crumpled box reminded me of my mom. I smoked Marlborough's, just like she used to. As I pulled the cigarette out of the box and placed it between my lips, I realised that my lighter was not in the box. I dug my hands into my pockets again, looking for my Zippo. After a few seconds my fingers curled around cool metal and I pulled the lighter out triumphantly.

I tried to flick it a few times but my right hand seemed unwilling to co-operate. I was silently cursing my awkward left handedness. After my fourth attempt to light it, someone plucked the lighter out of my hand and flicked it to life. They brought the flame up to the end of my cigarette and I inhaled deeply, enjoying the flood of smoke that rushed through my lungs. The kind stranger withdrew the lighter and snapped the lid closed, extinguishing the flame. "Thank yo…" The word stuck in my throat as I turned to face my Good Samaritan.

"Of course it's you! I mean, who else could it be?" I knew my tone was overly harsh, especially considering Brittany had just helped me. Brittany, as always, swept right past my obvious hostility. "Who else would you want it to be?" She was right, as usual. She always was the person I wanted to see most, no matter how much I tried to deny it. Brittany took my silence as acknowledgement that she was right. "So when did you roll back into Lima? And why now?" I'd wanted to ask her that question since the moment I saw here in the hallway at school. "My mom got offered a job here and my mommy wanted to move back since my grandparents still live here, so we packed up and left L.A. We arrived on Friday and I started school today." I took a moment to process everything Brittany had just said. "And as for why now, do you mean what took me so long to come back?" Brittany asked. I flicked the ash off my cigarette before bringing it back up to my lips and inhaling. "Because I always said I'd come back to you Tana and I keep my promises, unlike some people." The words were loaded, aimed right at me and they hit their target with devastating accuracy. I wanted to be angry at Brittany for her implication that I hadn't kept my promise to love her, but I'd given her no indication that I had kept it. "I keep my promises too. Count on it." It wasn't the declaration of love she'd wanted, rather my subtle way of telling her that I'd kept every promise I'd made to her.

We stood in silence for a moment. I looked Brittany up and down, devouring her with my ravenous eyes. They hadn't seen her in so long; they were determined to drink in every glorious detail of her. Brittany was wearing knee high cowboy boots, sinfully short denim shorts and a purple shirt tied in a knot at the bottom. She looked stunning, just like she always did. "So are you really dating that tool Puck cos last time I was here you kind of hated him." I smiled at Brittany as I replayed the memory of my threat to cut Puck's Mohawk off and make him eat it if he didn't leave my princess Britt-Britt alone. "Things change", I replied, dropping my cigarette on the ground and crushing it with the heel of my shoe. I pulled out my crumpled box and placed another cigarette between my lips. I wasn't usually a chain smoker, but I needed the nicotine to calm my nerves. Brittany still had my Zippo and begrudgingly lit my cigarette, a look of disapproval on her face.

I took a drag, needing it to give me the courage to ask Brittany another question that had been plaguing me all day. "What about you? Are you dating anyone?" I looked down at the pavement, not wanting to look Brittany in the eye as she answered my question. "No, I'm not. I was back in L.A. but she cheated on me. Twice." I brought my head up to look at Brittany. She didn't seem to upset that her girlfriend had cheated on her which led me to believe the relationship hadn't been a particularly serious one. Despite the momentary relief, it quickly turned to anger. How dare she cheat on Brittany? Who wants to bed a mortal when they had the privilege of worshipping at the altar of the goddess? Goddess? Really? 8 years later and I was still totally whipped.

Brittany looked at me, a little unsure and I realised I hadn't said anything in a few minutes. "Cheat on me once, shame on you, cheat on me twice." My words were clipped and failed to hide my anger. Brittany seemed unfazed. "Isn't it fool me once shame on you?" Brittany smiled, revealing a row of pearly white tooth, front two included. I found myself dazzled by her smile. I'd missed that smile almost as much as the girl it came attached to. In an effort to hide my blatant staring, I quickly swept my eyes over Brittany's torso. Something caught my eye. A streak of black, some white and a hint of pink. It was on Brittany's lower stomach, just peeking out over the top of her jean shorts. A tattoo. As if my girl wasn't already sexy enough to drive me to distraction.

I realised I was staring again and took another drag of my cigarette, hoping the smoke would snap me out of the haze of lust that had fallen over me. "Yeah but it applies to cheating too. I mean if you cheat on me and I'm stupid enough to take you back then I can't be shocked if you do it again. Once a cheater always a cheater." Brittany's face fell as tears began to form in her eyes. I berated myself as I realised I'd inadvertently called Brittany stupid, something I swore I'd never do. "Brittany I'm sorry I didn't mean…" Brittany cut me off with a raise of her hand "That's an interesting theory Santana. And how many times has Puck cheated on you?" I knew from Brittany's use of my full name that I'd struck a nerve. "It's not the same Brittany, Puck and I aren't like that" I didn't want to explain my relationship with Puck to Brittany. I knew she'd be disappointed with me for settling for so much less than she thought I deserved. So much less than she could give me.

Brittany seemed happy not to pry any further. "Those things will kill you you know. You're much too pretty to smoke Tana. Unless you're trying to look like a sexy dragon." Brittany's compliment caused me to blush, but thankfully my darker skin hid it well. "You have your rebellions, I have mine," I said, pointing my cigarette towards her tattoo. Brittany didn't miss a beat. "My rebellions don't come with health warnings" She smiled at me again. I took an extra-long drag from my cigarette, causing me to choke which only added further to Brittany's amusement. "What is it anyway?" I asked, trying to detract from the embarrassing incident a moment ago "Don't you recognise him Tana? It's Cornelius!" Brittany exclaimed. Brittany tugged open the button of her shorts and pulled them down a little, revealing a sliver of red lace. I gulped loudly, trying to avoid fainting on the spot. Brittany giggled, seemingly sensing my discomfort. She re-buttoned her shorts. "Only you would get a unicorn tattoo Brittany." She smiled that full unencumbered smile I'd prayed to see again.

I reached forward, gently caressing the tattoo with the thumb of my right hand. As soon as I made contact with her skin, a bolt of electricity shot up my arm, causing me to jerk back. I'd felt up my fair share of people, fooled around with them but never had a simple touch evoked such an extreme physical reaction. Brittany seemed to feel it too as I felt her stomach muscles twitch under my thumb. My left hand started sweating and I felt as though all the blood in my body was rushing through me at the speed of light. I pulled my hand away and shook it a few times, attempting to get rid of the tingling that had started as soon as I touched Brittany and had refused to cease ever since.

Brittany cleared her throat loudly, trying to dispel the awkwardness that had fallen over us. If I had such an intense reaction simply from touching her, I could only imagine the sensory overload that would come from kissing her. "So, I've been dying to ask. What happened to your hand? Repetitive slushy injury perhaps?" Brittany asked. I felt a small laugh escape my lips. "Not quite. I did something stupid and this was the result." It was vague but it wasn't a lie. Brittany raised her eyes questioningly but seemed to accept my answer. "I hope it gets better soon. I don't like seeing you in pain. You know I hurt when you do." Her words were so full of love I almost burst into tears on the spot. "I promise not to get hurt anymore then Britt-Britt cos I never want to see you hurting because of me." Brittany smiled at my use of her old nick- name. I knew that I'd already hurt Brittany, but I was determined to never do it again. Brittany smiled at me. "I better go my mom will be wondering what's taking me so long. I promised I'd come in and tell her all about my first day at school. I might leave some bits out though" I felt another flare of anger at myself for failing to protect Brittany, quickly followed by anger towards Puckerman. I was going to have to have words with him tomorrow to make sure he knew Britt-Britt was off limits, in more ways than one. "Ok. Bye Britt-Britt. I'll see you around." I leant forward to give her a quick hug, allowing myself a little of what I so desperately craved. Brittany however had other ideas. She reached up and stroked her fingers softly across my cheek, cupping it in her soft, smooth hand. Before I could gage what she was doing, she leant forward and dropped a chaste kiss on my lips. It was soft and sweet, just like every other time she'd kissed me. She didn't try to deepen the kiss, instead settling for pressing her lips gently against mine. "Count on it Tana. I'm not going anywhere." With that she walked me and through the automatic doors of the hospital.

Even as she vanished out of sight, I could still feel the light pressure of her lips on mine. I wanted to be mad at her for sidestepping every mine I'd set in front of her but found myself simply happy that she'd made it through and kissed me. I was so wrapped up in thoughts of Brittany that I hadn't noticed Quinn had pulled up in her car. From the knowing look on her face I could tell that she'd seen everything. I tried to wipe the smile off my face as I climbed into the car. "She's only been back a day and she's already got you from refusing to admit you know her to kissing her in public. Damn she's good!" Quinn was wearing a huge grin. "Shut up and drive Q" I said, laughing as she pulled away from the front of the hospital. As we drove towards home, Brittany's words rung in my ears "I'm not going anywhere". Brittany was back and she was here to stay.

_**I figured a little sugar wouldn't hurt! You all deserve it! So that's all folks till next time! Please drop me a review before you leave!**_


End file.
